Across the country independent lawn-mowing and lemonade-selling entrepreneurs expressed discontent with President Obama’s lenient remarks on immigration during the State of the Union. 12 year-old Mike Wachowski decried, “At the rate the immigrant population is increasing I am going to have to start charging $7 per lawn to stay competitive.” Top economist Paul Krugman proclaimed, “If anyone is getting really hit by immigration, it’s the kids. It’s simply terrible. They’re just kids for crying out loud.” Krugman added on, “And don’t underestimate the effect this is having on the rest of the economy. Hot wheels, play-doh, name any toy – the sales are going down.”
You May Also Like
SPER at Stanford Successfully Resolves Isreali-Palestinian Conflict
This last weekend, Stanford Students for Palestinian Equal Rights organized a rally to…
- Jonathan Engel
- November 5, 2013
Op-Ed: How to Win a Goddamn Scavenger Hunt
Hey, you, you in the back. With the shit-eating grin on your…
- Dylan Fugel
- September 29, 2014
Hubris Punished: Winnie the Pooh Castrated for Having Larger Scrotum Than Zeus
Alas, the wretched Winnie the Pooh has finally reaped that which he’d…
- Byron Calabasas
- October 23, 2019
Terrorist Nervous On First Day as Suicide Bomber
Luke Patterson, an Al-Qaeda operative from Colorado, reportedly feels “really nervous” on…
- Brandon Evans
- November 28, 2010