Tony Lucciano, an incoming freshman from New Jersey, came to Stanford hoping to meet some beautiful California gurls.
Unfortunately, he was disappointed that they didn’t all wear daisy dukes with bikinis on top.
“I thought California Girls all just floated around melting peoples’ popsicles being unforgettable and undeniable. That sounds so awesome, but they’re actually just so regular and smart.
I’m so underwhelmed.” Tony said he’d give Stanford another shot, but he was highly considering transferring because of falsely advertising student demographics.

You May Also Like

Ask The ‘Landfill’ Label On The Non-Recycling Garbage Can

Q: Hi ‘Landfill’! I’ve been crushing on a girl on my floor…

Mitt Romney Decides Not to Run for President, Remembers How Rich He Is

This past Friday, Mitt Romney announced that he will not be running…

Study Finds Poor Math Scores Correlated with Number of Fingers Missing

PROVIDENCE, RI—After years of consistently high scores in all subjects with the…

Opinion: TA is Madly In Love With Me Specifically 

I have ascertained, through the virtues of my immense powers of deduction,…