Just a helpful guide for everyone arriving on campus 😊 not to scare you all, but if you haven’t done all of these things yet you’re behind:
- Forget Canvas or Outlook. Download the really important apps: Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, Grindr, Coffee Meets Bagel, Christian Mingle, The Right One, OkCupid, and JDate.
- Get your admissions letter printed onto a custom twin XL bedspread (this will definitely impress your roommate!).
- Secured a fall quarter research position so you can graciously let people know that you, actually, are the smartest pre-med on campus (it’s not pretentious if it’s just objectively true).
- Put an apple airtag on your lanyard because it’s the single most important thing Stanford will give you and without it your social life is totally fucked. Also make sure you wear it all the time: otherwise no one’s letting you into Eurotrash.
- Find a mythical single stall toilet on campus that only you know where it is so you can have a private place to shit while all your friends are slumming it in the communal bathrooms.
