Outside Grove’s Haunted House last Friday, Jimmy Rows ‘26 had a panic attack. He wasn’t looking at the ghastly decor or rooms of clown mirrors, instead, his eyes were glued to his phone. Rows slid open his iPhone 17 Pro and peered at the latest notification. The header read “McKinsey Analyst Update.” He quickly learned of his rejection from the final round of McKinsey. “It was like being chased by zombies,” he shared, “except it was an apocalypse.” 

Shaken, Rows started hyperventilating. There were blood thirsty vampires right behind him, but that didn’t matter. “Vampires don’t scare me, the McKinsey Senior Partner who didn’t respond to my Thank You email does,” Rows reported. “It was probably the line, ‘Hope you’re having a good day’ that got her. I should have said great instead of good.” Rows sighed. 

As a self-identified horror enthusiast, Jimmy Rows does not scare easily, but the thought of filling out new job applications mere months before his graduation gave him the shivers: “I’m frightened of the prospect of not having a job. Or worse, having one.” 

You May Also Like

Op Ed: To Prepare for the Math 51 Final, I Created a “Mind Palace” Full of Dancing, Anthropomorphic Versions of the Digits Zero Through Nine

When you first see a math problem on the impending Math 51…

Op-Ed: If the rest of my RA application wasn’t impressive enough, here’s a story about that time I blacked out and hit up every single frat on the row

It’s no secret, RA apps are competitive, but have I got an…

Security Forces Capture Part of Osama bin Laden

QANDAHAR, AFGHANISTAN–Today the Pentagon reported that marines operational in the mountainous northeast…