In a groundbreaking study, the Stanford psychology department has done the impossible – they have given absurd amounts of LSD to the campus squirrels, “just to see what happens”. And, believe it or not, the results of the study have proven quite interesting.
“See, we already know a lot about the neural pathways involved in the human brain’s interaction with lysergic acid diethylamide. But, Dr. Harper approached me with the proposal of ‘dosing squirrels with the lab’s acid and just kind of setting up a video camera to catch the action’, and that sort of disruptive research is exactly what the world needs right now. Did you know squirrels have a god? How crazy is that?” shares research assistant Timothee Freu.
The research footage, which has been published online, depicts six squirrels in a closed cage. The squirrels, seated around a campfire and listening to Mitski and Lana Del Rey, appear to be opening up about their emotions and holding hands for the first few hours of the experiment. Later in the video, five of the six squirrels appear to be engaging in a group orgy with one another, while the sixth is seen shaking and passing out in the corner. While none of the squirrels died literally, a few appear to have died spiritually.
Following the results of the study, Stanford University has committed an additional $13 million to the psychology program, citing the need for “more of whatever that was.” Dr. Harper’s request to be nominated for a Nobel prize was denied, but his research footage did briefly go viral on Instagram Reels. In future, the research lab plans to continue “giving random fucking drugs to random fucking animals,” a method of progress that the scientific and social media communities alike eagerly anticipate.
