Arrest of FIFA Executives Pinnacle of Sleuthing Skills

June 4, 2015 9:00 am
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Arrest of FIFA Executives Pinnacle of Sleuthing Skills

Last week, Swiss police enacted the culmination of years of FBI investigations by arresting several high-ranking officials of FIFA. Despite the many difficulties of finding and tracking the notoriously public officials of a multi-billion euro organization whose each and every move is literally watched by the entire European population, American and Swiss law enforcement agencies have finally succeeded in capturing these tricky and evasive criminals.

“Really, it was just a matter of time,” said FBI operative Gerald Langsam, “we just had to read up on FIFA’s meeting schedule and wait for the executives to go to a country that we have an extradition treaty with. “

Witnesses to the daring raid at the Zurich hotel observed that some of the executives even had FIFA logos plastered to their luggage. “This was all part of a clever disguise, of course” reported Swiss corruption expert Mark Vielgeld. “FIFA gear is ubiquitous in continental Europe; by wearing these logos, the executives of the company hoped to discretely pass as the common European male.

Pending further investigations, it is unclear what will happen to these nefarious businessmen—the executives face the possibility of losing their status as sole custodians of Europe’s favorite pastime, but French legal experts suggest that the courts will probably just slap them on the wrist a little and call it a day.

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