The add/drop deadline passed recently, solidifying which classes Stanford students will be taking and putting an end to the three-week class shopping period. However, distraught music major Liv Garcia shared that she neglected to drop the bass by the 5pm cutoff, which ended up ruining her DJ event last Friday. According to a partygoer, “the beat was getting, like, super dope, but when we came close to the drop around 5:15pm, Vice Provost Elam kicked down the club door and used his lightning fingers to fry the circuitry on the speakers. Buzzkill.” Another source confirmed this account, adding that after his super-natural and super-lame display Elam merely gave a quick reminder that introsem applications were due in a few days and, with a crackle of thunder, left.
These events are worrying others in the music department, including MUS200D instructor Professor Jonathan Berger. Berger has expressed concerns that he might need to ask for more funding to replace his classroom’s doors when they inevitably get forcibly separated from their hinges once every couple of weeks, but added “we’ve got so many sound mixers we can lose a couple at this point.”
In an official statement from the administration, President Tessier-Lavigne stated, “As part of living in a larger community, there are rules that must be followed to keep the wheels of progress greasy. As such, we will no longer be permitting dropping of any kind after the third week of every quarter.” In related news, those living in the residences are encouraged to only carry two dishes at a time, following numerous arrests by Stanford police. “You can just make two trips,” the sheriff noted blankly.