An Inside Look at Stanford in the Year 2100

April 23, 2019 7:00 pm
An Inside Look at Stanford in the Year 2100

In the wake of the esteemed Susie Brubaker Cole’s report describing the neighborhood housing program to be implemented over the next century, we thought to consult our resident prophets and oracles to provide our beloved readers at a glimpse for what the Stanford campus that we call home might look like by the year 2100.

The year is 2100 and negotiations between the Oxygen Neighborhood and the Clean Water Neighborhood are going well. Tensions flared up last week after one of Oxygen’s Lesser Warlords strangled Clean Water’s Greater Duchess’s favorite puppy, but she was appeased after Oxygen’s Greater Duke offered the heads of the Lesser Warlord and his family in compensation. If this deal goes through, both Oxygen and Clean Water will be bolstered by the alliance — which might prompt attacks by some of the more paranoid and reckless neighborhoods like Arable Land or Metal Ore. Some of the more prudent ones like Wood or Lost Technologies might seek an alliance, so no doubt the spies of Oxygen and Clean Water have been ordered to keep their ears to the ground.

The year is 2100 and I’ve been admitted to Stanford, slipping in under the 0.2% acceptance rate. I will never forget the sacrifice that my parents made to bring me here — they starved themselves while sending every spare penny to the admissions office in Admin City — the island floating above campus — only letting themselves expire when they heard I got in. I’m comforted by the fact that they died happy. I’ve received word that I’ve been assigned to the Salt Mines neighborhood. It’s one of the least desirable of the Thirteen, but I can’t complain. Not when Stanford is one of the only places left these days guaranteed to be safe from radiation and the twisted monsters that were once human.

The year is 2100 and Stanford Mock Trial is as ruthless and vengeful as ever, particularly after the Incident of 2067. I think they’re down to one member now since their Financial Officer got caught out after curfew by the Admin Bots. I hear that you could hear his screams from the Frosoco neighborhood.