Three of the most important Kardashian sisters, Kim, Khloé, and Kendall, announced their respective pregnancies last week. Though fans have rejoiced, one question remains: Who is the father? Shocking new reports reveal that the father of these children may be none other than the relatable-and-hatable, fresh-faced country pop singer-songwriter, Taylor Swift. 

Rumors that Swift is father to a trio of expected Kardashian babies has sent fans into a tizzy, and they’re not the only ones upset by the prospect. 

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again,” says Kim. “Taylor is a snake. It’s just like her to impregnate me and my sisters with her children and then deny it later.” 

T-Swizzle indeed has publicly denied her alleged fatherhood, yet sources claim that the musician’s coy social media activity contains covert indications to the contrary. Last Monday, for example, Swift tweeted “Happy Father’s Day, Yeezy! [blonde baby emoji] @OfficialKanye.” Thursday was not Father’s Day. 

What’s more, Instagram has blown up with potentially incriminating photos of Taylor and her “Girl Squad” hanging out in science labs, huddled over large texts and tinkering with test tubes. One popular photo on Selena Gomez’s insta account features herself, Swift, and model Gigi Hadid wearing lab coats, captioned, “Making groundbreaking strides for the future of human reproductive capabilities! #tgif.” 

While members of Team Kim claim these photos aggressively verify that Swift is a “KarJenner Sister Baby Daddy times three,” Team Tay fans stand by their down-to-earth pop icon. 

Among these loyal followers is Ed Sheeran, Taylor Swift’s number one fan. “Taylor cannot be the father, because she is a woman!” says Sheeran. “No wait, that sounded… [clears throat] Biologically, I mean. A father literally cannot be… Wait. I suppose… I suppose Caitlyn Jenner would be considered Kendall’s father? So, Kendall’s father is a woman. Right? Is that right?”

“The old Taylor is dead,” explained Swift, when asked directly about her involvement with the Kardashian pregnancies. “Her legacy only lives on through her children. Her metaphorical children. Through Taylor Swift’s three, scientifically miraculous, metaphorical celebrity children.” 

Swift’s cryptic responses do nothing to clarify if the rumors are at all valid.

Whether or not Taylor Swift impregnated half the cast of Keeping Up With The Kardashians may never be determined, but it seems a more pressing question now remains: When’s the spin off? 

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…