A press release issued by the Office of Student Affairs has revealed that sophomore Ryan Carpazzi, a well-known consumer of cannabis, told his friends a weed-related joke late Sunday evening.
Carpazzi, who has previously labeled himself “kush king,” “a grade-A toke boy,” and “puff puff daddy,” reportedly interrupted a group smoke session to tell his peers a poorly-thought-out marijuana pun.
“He seemed to think it was really witty,” recalled Thomas Durbin, Carpazzi’s friend and a casual user of recreational weed. “But it wasn’t. As far as I can tell, the only joke was the concept of smoking itself, which really isn’t that humorous on its own.
” Durbin went on to explain that Carpazzi was not only an avid smoker but also based much of his identity around the pastime, expressing his affinity for the drug by wearing weed-adorned shirts and socks, performing a mediocre Seth Rogen impression, and constantly listening to reggae (but only Bob Marley).
“We were doing hits from the bong up on the dorm roof, and suddenly Ryan told everyone to quiet down and acted like he had something real important to say”, stated Liz Gorcine, another friend of Carpazzi’s.
“But then he just told this shitty joke, where you could tell he only thought it was clever because he was really goddam high. The sad part was, he seemed to think it was legitimately comedic and not just a poorly-conceived way of reminding everyone that he was, in fact, doing drugs at the moment.
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“Haha, yeah, that joke was hella funny” responded Carpazzi when asked for comment. “We were all sitting around the bong, lighting up and stuff, and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I start tapping on the chamber and I’m like, ‘Hey, hey guys, look at this! I’m playing the bong-os!’ It was super clever and everyone laughed.”
“Get it?” he continued. “It’s funny because weed.”
