Our nation stands divided. After an incredibly bitter and emotional election season, America’s melting pot has been transformed into an unhappy cauldron of resentment. But, in these troubled times, it is all the more important to listen to one another, which is why, despite my not agreeing with you in the slightest, I will defend to the death your right to scare the living bejeezus out of Jeff, our mutual roommate.

I have a lot of personal disagreements with your rhetoric. I don’t really understand what you hope to accomplish by saying that you’re “Going to break into [Jeff]’s room and draw dicks all over [his] blankets”. But I believe very strongly in a very limited and unrealistic interpretation of the First Amendment, and hey, they’re not my blankets.

Words are words. Words are important, and must be protected, for they have power and are special. But they also couldn’t possibly inflict lasting psychological on Jeff, not even when you question whether Jeff is “even more useless than a stupid goat”.

I personally think that Jeff is a kind and timid soul, but you shouldn’t let my beliefs stop you from loudly opining that Jeff is a disgusting waste of space, or wondering out loud about whether Jeff’s computer would be worth more as kindling or as a playground for mice. But hey, it’s a free country, no matter how sleep-deprived and pale Jeff looks.

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