While perusing Facebook on his phone yesterday evening, sophomore Michael Trent received a notification that sophomore Lindsay Adams requested to connect with him on LinkedIn. The move came after Adams neglected to text Trent back the morning after meeting and participating in a brief but passionate make-out session with him at Crepe Night earlier this month.

“I just think it’s disrespectful for her not to text back to my cordial messages, while still using me as a tool to network,” said Trent. “I feel all I want is to talk about my feelings, and all she wants is to reach 500+ connections.” Trent was not sure how to handle the request to connect: “Like what am I supposed to do, just act like everything is normal and endorse her for social media and public speaking? I really don’t think she’d be a good employee if she can’t even text back a nice guy like me.”

Trent is also worried about his next steps, debating whether or not he should send a text reading “Hey I got your LinkedIn request!” After dubiously confirming the connection on LinkedIn, at press time, Trent reportedly biked past Adams, allegedly giving her a mix of a 3 inch raised head nod and a quarter smile, which was met with a full smile and shaking head from Adams.

You May Also Like

ALERT: Cooties Outbreak on Campus, Cootie Shot Not Always Effective

A few months ago, researchers at Stanford Medical School’s Center for Clinical…

Report: Student Is Tired

By Daniel Francinte STANFORD, CA–After five consecutive sleep-deprived nights and countless hours…

Movie Review: I Thought Avengers: Endgame Was Just Okay Because of the Part Where Tony Stark Shitted Out the Infinity Stones

I was as excited as the next person to watch the twenty-second…

Guy with Megaphone in White Plaza Thinks He’s Funny

Witnesses present in White Plaza Friday afternoon report that a man who…