MINNEAPOLIS – On Friday, Providence High awarded passionate students for excellence in academics. For the first half of the ceremony, each award was met with massive applause and camera flashes. Then a hush fell over the crowd as the science prize was awarded to Wally, the big-headed freak.


The award will come as no surprise for those familiar with Wally’s achievements. Ever since his mysterious appearance at Providence High in 2014, Wally has been astounding and terrifying the student body with his science prowess and his big head. In the fall Wally discovered a substance that allowed him to be lighter than air, an incredible discovery that backfired when Wally’s big head got caught in the gym rafters during a basketball game.


Then, in an event that has since become legendary to Providence and the local community, Wally the big-headed freak began cloning himself. Although accomplishing perfect human cloning was a once-in-a-generation feat, appreciation for Wally’s achievement quickly turned to horror when Wally killed all of his big-headed clones with acid in the center of campus.


Despite his mixed legacy, Wally certainly deserved the award and the Providence community is hoping to see more of his experiments and big head in the future.

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