Originally, juniors Ted Rangfelt and Sharon Askinew had been excited to welcome back their friend, Steve Fuller from his quarter spent studying abroad. But as the minutes dragged on, the excitement of reunion soon turned to the bitter taste of disappointment when they realized that Steve had come back from Spain ever so slightly cooler than when he had set out.

“You know, you never worry that it could happen to you,” said Askinew. “We just imagined that it would just be the three of us together forever, just like freshman year. But now…I don’t know. He’s definitely different. I mean, Steve came back with a straight fade, he’s really upping the ante.”

“I would like to point out that he’s still not that cool,” Rangfelt added. “I don’t know about Sharon, but I am definitely still way cooler than Steve. It’s more that he used to be the lovable goofball of the group, and now he’s trying to tell us about kombucha. Baby steps. But they’re very upsetting if you’re not prepared for them.”

As of press time, Steve was last seen trying to pronounce the city as “Bar-the-lo-na”.

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