Rubio Nears Cruz Endorsement As tortured Soul Trapped In FL Senator Cries Out For Help

Florida senator Marco Rubio discussed the suspension of his presidential campaign last…

Nation Demands More Bad News

WASHINGTON D.C.—Individuals and advocacy groups from across the United States have organized…

Friends Shocked, Horrified, To Find Other Friend Slightly Cooler After Quarter Abroad

Originally, juniors Ted Rangfelt and Sharon Askinew had been excited to welcome…

Op-Ed: “Full Moon Wasn’t Going to be Fun Without Hennessy There Anyway”

Look, don’t get me wrong—I’m as bummed as anyone that the spit-swapping…