After predicting a resounding Bernie Sanders victory in tomorrow’s New Hampshire primary, local man and political dabbler Jake Lexington has declared that “this election is so over and done” and that “it’s time for everyone else to just pack their bags and concede”.
Eager to remind people he last spoke to about politics over three months ago, Lexington continued “I told you all. I said it half a year ago, and I’ll say it again now: Bernie has got this in the bag.
” He went on to add that no one believed him at first, but that now “the Bernster” had shown them all what was what.

“The people of #New_Hampshire have #spoken,” tweeted Lexington on his political handle, @TernandBern.
“Gone is the age of #cronycapitalism and #$hillary, it is time to bask in the glorious light of our new national leader, Bernie Sanders.”

When asked if he had forgotten about the general election against a Republican candidate (remaining Democratic primaries notwithstanding), Lexington commented that “Now that Rand Paul dropped out of the race, none of the Republicans can hold a candle to [his] main man Bernie.”

You May Also Like

BREAKING NEWS: Party on the Edge Falls Off, Never Seen Again

STANFORD FLIPSIDE BEATS THE DAILY ON THE SCOOP This Thursday, Stanford administrators…

Confused Drug Dealer Guns Down Man Wearing “Female Body Inspector” Novelty Shirt

Tragedy struck late Sunday night when local drug dealer Ricky “The Goon”…

Provost Drell Confronts Racial Injustice with Sock Puppetry

Responding to the protests that have emerged in the wake of George…

Student Starting to Question Laptop Stickers’ Actual Relevance to His Life

Sophomore Mark Carlton has started to question the importance of the random…