After predicting a resounding Bernie Sanders victory in tomorrow’s New Hampshire primary, local man and political dabbler Jake Lexington has declared that “this election is so over and done” and that “it’s time for everyone else to just pack their bags and concede”.
Eager to remind people he last spoke to about politics over three months ago, Lexington continued “I told you all. I said it half a year ago, and I’ll say it again now: Bernie has got this in the bag.
” He went on to add that no one believed him at first, but that now “the Bernster” had shown them all what was what.

“The people of #New_Hampshire have #spoken,” tweeted Lexington on his political handle, @TernandBern.
“Gone is the age of #cronycapitalism and #$hillary, it is time to bask in the glorious light of our new national leader, Bernie Sanders.”

When asked if he had forgotten about the general election against a Republican candidate (remaining Democratic primaries notwithstanding), Lexington commented that “Now that Rand Paul dropped out of the race, none of the Republicans can hold a candle to [his] main man Bernie.”

You May Also Like

Obama Goes on Erectile Dysfunction Tangent During State of the Union Address

Political analysts and news syndicates expressed surprise over President Obama’s State of…

Stanford AI Lab Creates Workplace Robot that Bitches About Coworkers, Steals Yogurt

Earlier this week, the renowned Stanford artificial intelligence laboratory announced the release…

Students in Beginner Sailing Stoked to Learn How to Crew Boats, Exploit Vulnerabilities in College Admissions System

Saying they were “beyond excited,” students of PE 46: Sailing, Beginning begin…

Student Sexiled by Mother, Permanently Scarred



When freshman Josh Crawford’s mother Lillian informed him that she would be…