Let’s face it — Stanford rooms aren’t very large. Lofting your bed is a great way to maximize the space you have available to you. Here are The Flipside’s favorite bed lofting configurations.

Racecar Bed

You climb inside of your dad’s Maserati, park it right next to your dorm, and sleep inside.

Budget Racecar Bed

You put your mattress on top of a shopping cart. Beep beep — your pillow is the steering wheel!

The Fun Stack

Stack all the mattresses on top of one another, and all the roommates snuggle together on top. This is a “fun” “stack” indeed!

The Kraft Singles Slices

A modified version of “The Fun Stack,” except you stack all the mattresses and sleep in between the layers.

The Dragon’s Den

Take all the wooden parts of your bed and replace them with gold coins and other bullion. Don’t let any quest-seeking adventurers into your lair.

The Automatic 4.0 GPA

Wait until your roommate falls asleep, take your pillow, and smother their pretty little good-for-nothing face. When they stop moving, you can put their bed wherever you want!

I don’t know, just a giant fuckin pizza or something

You don’t think you could break the world record for baking the largest pizza, you piece of shit? It’s fucking easy. Toss that dough until it’s the size of a bloated beluga and sleep inside the dough like the dirty calzone meat that you are.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…