Describing the incessant noise as “distracting” and “frankly just rude,” Roble senior Duncan Brown told reporters yesterday that the freshmen’s nonstop, raucous whining has severely disrupted his daily routine. “It’s really become too much,” said a visibly annoyed Brown, adding he can hear the inconsiderate wails from almost a mile away. “At least at the beginning of the quarter they kept it relatively quiet—just a choked breakdown every now and then—but now it’s like droves of them get together nightly for an all-out weep-fest. At that point the freshmen aren’t just ‘letting loose’—they’re being disrespectful.”

Brown’s opinions are shared by many of Roble’s other non-freshman residents, including staff. “We acknowledge that some of the freshmen in our community have been a little unruly over the last week, and we are taking action to resolve it,” reported Resident Fellow Jeffrey Ball, revealing he and the Residential Advisors are fully aware of the freshmen’s “impolite and cowardly” behavior. “This is, after all, week 8—one nervous collapse is okay, but a whole slew of them? That’s a problem.”

At press time, sources confirmed that Ball had approached the perpetrators and advised them to “man the fuck up.

You May Also Like

Arrillaga Dining to Introduce Trough-Style Feeding

Stanford Residential and Dining Enterprises announced today that they will be replacing…

Gaieties Audience Perfectly Embodies Gaieties Stereotypes