Citing the event’s “engaging” and “pleasantly egotistical” vibe, senior Ryan Winters told reporters yesterday that a local homecoming dinner allowed students and graduates to meet, mingle, and scorn the inferiority of non-Stanford people in a relaxed, open environment. “At first the dinner was a little awkward, but once we remembered how much more intelligent and accomplished we were than the non-Stanford heathen, I started having a great time,” informed Winters. “We just couldn’t stop talking. Sports, books, crippling academic inadequacies common in lesser institutions but not here, the new Star Wars movie—you name it, we talked about it.”

The alumni, for their part, also enjoyed the dinner, particularly relishing the students’ “welcoming and noticeably pompous” attitudes. A considerable amount of time passed, however, before they felt totally comfortable. “Initially, the dinner was kind of weird,” admitted alumnus Neil Whalen, explaining that some of the undergrads didn’t exude “the airs of unquestionable dominance” he expects from a new generation. “For a while, the whole room was quiet—I couldn’t hear a single person saying anything about how great Stanford is. Luckily though, one of my buddies whispered, ‘Stanford’s better…than everyone,“ and the whole room erupted with the sound of people agreeing with each other.”

“You see, in my experience Stanford teaches you three things—arts, sciences, and the value of a name,” Whalen said finally. “And as long as you don’t forget that last one, you’ve had a great education.”  (Seter)

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