ATLANTA, GEORGIA: On Friday of last week, Sadie and Liz Johnson-Hubbard were forced to address the fragility of their relationship after realizing that it was no longer sanctioned by their local state government. After residing for 10 years as a legally married couple in the state of South Carolina, the Johnson-Hubbards relocated to Atlanta, Georgia for business, where gay marriage remains legally impermissible. Having packed the entire contents of their life together into one hatchback, and excited to try a new style of barbecue, they drove across the state border. At this point things began to feel strange between them.
“I know that gay marriage isn’t legal in Georgia, but little did I know that the invalidity of that little piece of paper would turn me into a raging pussy-hunter,” related Sadie. “Suddenly my loving wife wasn’t enough for me anymore, and I just wanted to find a confused college girl to satisfy my urges.”
Liz had similar sentiments: “Sadie’s the only woman for me, and I know that. But as soon as I saw the “Welcome to Georgia” sign, I had the most maddening desire for extramarital vag. I mean I’m not dead; I look at other women, but I’ve never actually wanted to cheat on Sadie.”
Distraught by the changes in their dynamic, Sadie and Liz have decided to seek counseling while engaging in a temporarily open relationship. “Marriages really should remain legal across state borders,” concluded Sadie, “Because clearly if I’m not committed by law, I’ll fuck anything with boobs that moves.”