Freshman John Wilkins was on his way to complete his morning ritual, a nice number two on his favorite toilet on the second floor of Serra, when he was shocked to discover that the stall was occupied.

“It was horrible,” expressed Wilkins, “that toilet is the best one there is, no doubt about it.  It is the only toilet in the building that has a window. In the morning the sun shines through window in a golden haze, the light falling warmly on your thighs so that each defecation experience is…just perfect.”

Mr. Wilkins isn’t the only one to express frustration with the current state of affairs. “I can’t use any other toilet now,” stated Marcy Martinez, “its automatic flush sensor is just sensitive enough so that it doesn’t flush before you sit down, but never fails before you leave the stall.”

With the increased regularity of dining options, the regularity of student bowel movements has increased in direct proportion. It has become increasingly common for there to be a line of residents outside the last stall on the right every morning at around 10:35am.  “The seat just seems to caress your buttocks, not too firm, not too soft, and the optimum depth of the bowl leads to the minimum amount of splash back,” reported Mark Yi, while waiting in line.

Word of the toilet’s premium sensory experience has spread among residents, and some have even reported seeing the RF waiting in line with the students. As of press time, one aggravated resident has barricaded himself in the contended toilet stall for the night, so that he will ready to claim it when the pooping hour comes again.

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