Last Friday Astronaut Scott Kelly launched from Kazakhstan on a historical mission to study the long-term effects of living in space on the human body, while his twin, Mark, remained on Earth to serve as a control.
Researchers at a host of universities will be watching how Scott’s time in space affects him differently from his Earth-bound twin, and already some findings are beginning to come to light. Most notably, Scott has been found to be much cooler than his brother since arriving aboard the International Space Station.
“I mean, the guy’s breaking the record for the longest time an American has spent in space, and Mark is busy maintaining his collection of rare tulips in his yard,” said one researcher. “While those Duc Van Tol Rose’s are being fertilized, Scott is exploring the very frontier of science. Our findings are conclusive: Scott has just become way cooler since he launched four days ago. ”
“We’ve also found that Scott has become much more attractive since being exposed to space. Most notably, his eyes have a dreamy space-glimmer like they have been brushed by the stars.”
As of now researchers are unsure what it is about space that makes Scott so damn chill, but they are frantically looking for an answer in the hopes of replicating it at parties and other social gatherings.