What is this? Flip-Fit is a new health and fitness blog featured occasionally in the Flipside. It aims at giving students tips to live healthy and stress-free lives.

Mack Reynolds here with Flip-Fit. Are you tired of all those cream puffs and pizza slices from Stern making you all puffy and moist? That bike ride out to Lathrop leaving you in a sludge of your own juices? Well, lucky for you Flip-Fit is here with some tips for getting those nasty fats and sugars right out of your stomach.

Sharpen those knives – It’s hard enough to open up your stomach and pull out all those nasty sugars and fats from fried foods and sugary drinks without the aches and pains of using a dull knife. Use a sharpener from a nearby kitchen appliance store before opening up the ol’ stomach!

Stomach means stomach guys – We’ve had calls from a lot of fitness freaks out there (looking at you, Sally T!) who got a little overambitious with their fitness. You’ve got to face it, y’all — fats and sugars are mostly in your stomach. But remember: focus on one part of your body at one time! If you pull your fats and grease from too many parts of your body at once, you’ll surely perish (looking at Sally T again; may she rest in peace).

Do it with a friend – Mortality rates for this self-procedure are super-duper high (we’re talking Devon Cajuste vertical!) Have a friend yank out their calories from their stomach next to you so one of you can call 911 if the other passes out from blood loss (or from having too much fun)!

Don’t be a perfectionist – As Stanford students, we’re always going for the A+. When it comes to towing all your fats and sugars from your stomach, however, all that matters is your effort. Think of it as a pass/fail class rather than ABCD/F!

Don’t forget to have fun!

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