Freshman in 106A Writes Girlfriend-Dumping Program in Java

December 4, 2013 9:00 am
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Freshman in 106A Writes Girlfriend-Dumping Program in Java

Although technically classified as “Thanksgiving Recess” in the Stanford Academic Calendar, the first week off from school is known by many as the Turkey Drop, when freshmen, older and wiser from their 9 weeks of college, decide to break up with their significant others from high school. First-year student Kenneth Jacobs, one of these Droppers, believed that usual break-up techniques were too cliché and felt this would be a great opportunity to showcase the material he has learned in his computer science class.

“I’m not really a ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ kind of guy,” drawled Jacobs, who apparently doesn’t seem to be a “direct eye contact” or “reads facial cues” kind of guy either.  “So I just made this really neat program that will ask her some questions and finally just tell her it’s over.” The 106A student, who has never gotten above a check on an assignment, explained, “I even added a button and made a different class that counted every time she’s cheated on me.”

Kenneth’s now ex-girlfriend, a sophomore at University of Washington, was not as impressed with the slightly-buggy program as he thought she would be. “He kept telling me ‘Look what I did here!’ and ‘See what I implemented!’, but I was too busy crying and feeling, you know, real emotions to really care,” said the recently-dumped Huskie, ”Maybe if he decomposed a little bit more then I would have wanted to read it.”

The newly-single freshman evidently feels that his program performed so successfully that he is looking into turning this idea into a start-up. Before talking to VC firms though, Jacobs plans on indulging in all the perks of not having a girlfriend, like blacking out and returning from a party alone.

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