Deciding that no part of life on campus should be left untouched by educators, Stanford’s administration has disclosed that it is giving responsibility for the creation of next year’s dorm themes explicitly to the university’s Peer Health Educators. The PHEs came together last night to allow their creative juices to intermingle and are now disseminating their plans to the wider student body. One of the PHEs revealed a sizeable reason for focusing on sexual health. “We deal with sex every day,” he said, “Or at least we deal with an awareness of sex every day. It’s only appropriate to start dealing with the inappropriate. That’s why we’re highlighting sexual health. Or unhealthy obsessions. I don’t really remember which. But sex.”

The FloMo PHE was especially passionate about her new right to choose. “I felt a lot of pushing for a theme to commemorate the norovirus episode,” she said, “But I resisted. We’re going to be Menstrual FloMo because it goes beyond a simple health issue. It shows that we celebrate all orifices of human existence, especially the female condition. I thought that our t-shirt design would be a bit of a problem, but that was before I realized that the shape of an ordinary t-shirt is remarkably close to that of a uterus. And I think I’m going to replace our curtains with cascades of dangling tampons.”

The FroSoCo PHE, on the other hand, seems to be in a more awkward position. “The theme of FroSoCondom is not one that really applies to my residents,” he said, “But I’m hoping some of it will rub off. If you know what I mean.”

Some of the other names getting around are PaloMasturbate, DisRoble, LarkIntercourse, SexToyon, CeDryHumping, and RinCumada. Casa ZapaTatas and EucalipTits hope to provoke a titillating discussion while Okada has simply decided on OkaDick. “Everyone’s trying for stuff that’s out of their league,” said the Okada PHE, “But this is more in keeping with our maturity level.”

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