The Stanford Drama Department has announced the upcoming premiere of their latest original production, Norovirus 2013: The Musical. Critics are already raving that this campy hit could be the next Wicked.

The musical follows the picaresque misadventures of plucky young Stanford freshman student Chuck Smith, as he ventures through the wilds of a campus under germ-siege. “I was immediately taken in by the menacing overture, all growls and gurgles,” reported a bewitched reviewer from The San Jose Mercury, “Norovirus 2013: the Musical kept up the pace, delivering tuneful shock and awe.”

The rock opera melds diverse musical styles and the tempos of the catchy songs are truly contagious. The opening song is a classic musical number, with an off-kilter, yet charming Smith belting, “What is this feeling, so nauseous and new? I felt the moment I touched hands with you: my pulse is rushing, my stomach’s careening, toilets are flushing, what is this feeling?” before executing a flawless stage hurl. Thus begins this gripping noro-narrative. The opening is juxtaposed with contemporary rap numbers such as “Puke city bitch, puke, puke city bitch; puked ten, ten, twenty, and fifty times bitch,” performed by fictional campus crew ArroYO.

“The musical hits just keep coming,” enthused a reporter from The San Francisco Chronicle, highlighting the genius behind bits like “Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but wash your hands first, then call me maybe.” In the danceable, sassy finale, the entire company sings, “We’re up all night to expel, We’re up all night and it smells, We’re up all night and its yucky,” leaving the audience members with crooked smiles on their faces and knots in their stomachs.

The only unenthusiastic previewer, The Stanford Daily, spewed a scathing critique, noting that the “Drama Department must have been suffering from some kind of noro-sis for them to unleash this virus of a play.” The Drama Department had trouble keeping down its outrage and is now suing The Daily for libel.

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