Welcome Class of 2017!
It is my great honor and privilege to proclaim you the greatest incoming class I have ever inducted into the Stanford way of life. No hyperbole, no sarcasm here. Just the sheer joy of seeing so many bright faces who may go on to change the world (possibly even for the better). That’s right, you who wrote “I like stamps” on your application: you are a medical marvel, a king of kings, a man, who in his love of stamps, shows us the future of the human race. You, who told us, respected and peerless academics, that you were here to “go hard in the paint:” you are a treasure-trove of the most wonderful milk of human kindness. You, men and women of FroSoCo, you will use the copious amounts of time you inevitably have on your hands to research new, better ways of human interaction in the future. Wonders all.
If you would now indulge me, let me speak to your academics. All of you have shown the glint of an intellect unmatched by anyone else in these United States, except, of course, for those attending other institutions of higher learning like Harvard or Yale. You show the intellectual curiosity which clearly stems from compensating for a lack of physical strength. Our engineers, you will all be at the forefront of a technological revolution. Our scientists, at the heart of what our society will dictate. Our humanities majors, you are also here.
Wishing you all the very best,
President John (Seriously, don’t ever call me Johnny, I don’t find it funny in any way) Hennessy