In a unanimous vote on Friday, both the House and Senate passed a motion awarding themselves a gold star as congratulations for passing legislation to avert the so-called “Fiscal Cliff.” The gold star is set to be placed on the Congressional Achievement Board in a public ceremony this week.
Marred by historically low approval ratings and constant legislative gridlock, Congressional leaders are hailing this act of self-congratulation as the greatest compromise since a nearly unanimous 2011 vote to rename a post office in rural Tennessee. In a joint press conference, Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) praised themselves for “a job well done.”
“Granted, it’s absurd that we couldn’t reach some kind of deal to avoid the Cliff until the absolute last minute, but hey, it was tough work when we finally got around to it,” said Senator Reid. “I mean, we had to come in on a holiday.”
Though celebratory, Speaker Boehner, who pledged to—then refused to—then finally called a vote on the proposed legislation passed by the Senate, was less pleased with the legislative outcome which has been called a victory for President Obama and the Democrats.
“I did everything I could to make sure the Democrats didn’t get their way. I mean…literally everything I could,” said the Speaker. “But you know what, I’m going to count it as a victory. We’ll get ’em next time.”
“Next time” happens to be looming debt ceiling debate which must be resolved in early 2013, due to the Federal Government once again reaching its agreed upon debt limit. Pundits are predicting that this debate will, once again, be a contentious and endlessly frustrating debacle or, if you will, yet another “gold star moment” for American Democracy.