Following the Grammy awards ceremony, wherein he was passed over for best album, best new artist, and best rap performance, as well as best rap/sung collaboration, best R&B performance, best rap song, and best rap album, Lamar was feeling a little blue. “The important thing is making good music and doing what I love,” conceded Lamar. “But a little recognition is, you know, it’s nice too.” But rather then let his dejection get the better of him, the artist made his way to a Grammy after-party to unwind and let off a little steam, determined to have a good time. However, as he entered the venue, LL Cool J’s lavish Beverly Hills home, and indulged in a platter of pigs-in-blankets, disaster struck. “I just dipped one of the hors d’oevres in mustard and was taking a bite when it happened,” recalls Lamar. Lamar’s phone buzzed, and in his attempts to remove it from his pocket, a drop of bright yellow mustard about the size of a nickel fell onto Lamar’s freshly pressed button down shirt. Sources indicate that the shirt itself was not yellow in color, nor was it patterned, making the mustard extraordinarily visible.

Acting quickly, Lamar used a nearby napkin to wipe the offending globule of condiment, but the stain had already begun to set in. “Oh man,” sighed Lamar. “I really like that shirt. Who knows if the stain will come out.” Lamar was faced with a difficult decision. To stay at the party with a dirty shirt, go home to change and then return, or simply call it a night. While he was contemplating his options, LL Cool J patted him on the back and said, “Hey man, you got robbed tonight. Seriously, I think one of the valets just rode off in your car.” And, sighing, Lamar decided to head home early, sharing a taxi with Lorde, who doesn’t have a driving permit yet. It was only in the car that Lamar remembered to read the text that upset the precariously balanced mustard in the first place.

“You got robbed. I wanted you to win. You should have. It’s weird….”

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…