A group of friends at Glensville Township High School in Pennsylvania recently dubbed themselves “the craziest,” an assertion not backed up by the girls’ activities which are typical for their gender and age group. The girls also asserted that “nobody has as much fun as we do,” which is also untrue.
“We are just soooooooo crazy,” said Brianna Murphy, known to her friends as “Bri.” “Like, the other night at a sleepover we were just super bored and we recorded a video on Ashley [Barr’s] webcam of us singing ‘Call Me Maybe!’ We were dancing around the room like a bunch of creepers. It was just the most random thing.”
The Caucasian, braces-wearing girls have made repeated claims about their collective mental instability, none of which hold up under any scrutiny. They also commonly reference their alleged “randomness,” despite the fact that most of the things they say and do are relatively predictable.
“Oh my god, oh my god, so the other day, it was so funny,” said Chloe Hutchinson, self-described craziest of the crazy friends. “We were just running through the mall for like no reason, and we were all calling each other sluts because we totally are,” she said untruthfully. Only one of the girls—16-year old Kaitlyn—is an actual slut. “And then Hailey sat on Santa’s lap even though she’s like, way too old for that. And when he asked her what she wanted for Christmas she said, ‘Robert Pattinson.’ It was just like way too crazy. We were laughing so hard.”
The group of girls have also been known to call themselves “nerds” and “total dorks,” an unfitting characterization given that they look down on actual nerds and dorks. And despite their repeated claims to the title of “craziest group of friends,” this distinction actually belongs to a group of girls at Alabaster High in Santa Fe, New Mexico who regularly use psychedelic drugs and have sworn a blood oath to kill their parents on Christmas.