The United States of America has won the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economics, the Nobel Committee announced this week, acclaiming the country for “achieving unparalleled economic success since its independence. The United States is a beacon of industriousness and has demonstrated how an economy should be run.”

The prize will be shared amongst America’s 300 million citizens. The wealthiest Americans will get the largest slice of the prize, in proportion to their contribution to American economic greatness. In order to avoid a repetition of recent voting fraud problems, people belonging to minority groups must have valid photo ID in order to collect their share of the prize money. Undocumented immigrants need not apply.

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