LOS ANGELES — Disney animation studios’ next project will be a horribly uncomfortable, deflating and uninspiring mess of a film, according to journalists who attended a recent press event. It is a step forward for a company that has historically only produced movies that end with most protagonists still alive and singing uplifting songs.
Karen Olsen, a spokeswoman for National Association of Losers (NAL), told the audience at Wednesday’s conference that the stories conveyed by past blockbusters such as “The Princess and the Frog” and “Mulan” do not reflect reality for a large segment of the American population. “Let’s face it, there are millions of people in this country living shitty lives which will not have happy endings,” Olsen said. “It’s time for Disney to make a movie that can speak to them. I’m sick of these happy endings.”
Mark McDonald, head of Disney’s Entertainment Division, is optimistic that the upcoming film will be entirely unsatisfying and even depressing. “I think we’ll definitely include a totally unattractive anti-heroine in there along with some drug addicts, and all the characters will probably be singing off-key. No child will leave the theater with misconceptions about this harsh world we live in.”