Witnesses present in White Plaza Friday afternoon report that a man who could only be identified as “the jackass with the megaphone” clearly found himself to be pretty funny. “He kept accosting people that were just trying to get lunch or go to their next class. He was saying stuff like, ‘Hey you! On the bike!’ I got the jokes, they just weren’t funny,” reported one disgruntled observer who had been trying sell a cappella tickets the next table over. “It’s just a lose-lose situation,” added another witness, “if you engage him, he keeps bothering you but if you ignore him, he makes some snarky comment like, ‘Nice chat, thanks for stopping’ and gets this stupid grin on his face.” In spite of his incessant babbling, no one actually knows what the man was trying to accomplish in White Plaza. The prevailing assumption is that he was tabling for some kind of start-up.

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