Confronted with a sorry group of candidates growing more ridiculous with each passing debate, the GOP recently announced an intent to forgo party decorum in favor of an unorthodox political strategy in the 2012 election. After a heated six hour, closed-door discussion, GOP leaders have announced that they will not wait for the conclusion of the republican primaries and instead have nominated a cement mixing truck parked in an adjacent lot.

“It’s really the best strategy we have at this point,” a GOP committee representative said in a press conference earlier this week, “after carefully weighing the options, we believe that this truck is far more electable than the petulant nitwits running so far.” Democratic analysts agree, grudgingly praising the Republican nomination as the strongest political move the GOP has made this year.

When asked about taxes and fiscal policy for the coming year, the cement truck reportedly groaned and spewed out semi-hardened, viscous slag, which Republican Party leaders agree is a vast improvement over what comes out of the other candidates’ mouths.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…