Sources from the campaign office of Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum report that, in the coming weeks, the former senator will be releasing a rap mixtape to garner attention for his faltering campaign. Falling dangerously far behind the frontrunners and even, somehow, a geography- and history-challenged raving lunatic in the polls, Santorum’s advisors held an emergency meeting to consider their options for revitalizing his campaign. They agreed that, in order to receive media attention, the former senator would do literally anything other than have sex with a man or get an abortion. Many other options were discussed and, although deemed something of a political risk, campaign manager Mike Biundo reports that selling one of Santorum’s seven children is “still on the table.” Biundo noted that they ultimately chose to make the rap recording on the chance that it might win over members of the lucrative “non-white, non-upper middle class or non-evangelical Christian” voter base, a demographic the Santorum campaign had previous been ignoring.
Excitement is building amongst music fans and political junkies alike for the upcoming release. Although most people expect little more from the project than abject failure, music critic Dirk Nugent argues that “Santorum’s unabashed misogyny and homophobia actually translate pretty well to hip hop. I think he could be a real crossover success.” Santorum’s lyrics deal mostly with current political issues, including this standout from “Liberals Ruin Everything,” the album opener: “hard economic times/things gettin’ scary/they even lettin’ gays back in the military.” And while it’s hard to anticipate the effect this move will have on his campaign and the greater political landscape, it’s safe to say Santorum’s mixtape will have more artistic value and be far more listenable than any of Will.i.am’s Obama-inspired output from 2008.
