Last week, Stanford senior Katie Mullhondacivic was dismayed to learn that she was rejected from every medical school to which she applied because did poorly on her second midterm in Chem 31A.

“I didn’t do well on that one test, but then I studied really hard and rocked the final. I knew this was going to happen,” the dismayed biology student informed reporters.

Princeton van Burenhoffer, admissions officer at Johns Hopkins Medical School offered the following explaining her rejection: “Katie displays strong academic skills and has significant experience in both a research and clinical setting. However, she scored a full 3% below the mean on a freshman chemistry midterm which, unfortunately, indicates the she just isn’t cut out to be a doctor. That said, we do have some openings for orderly positions in the university hospital that we believe she would be more than qualified for.”

For the time being, Katie plans to move back in with her parents after graduation and reevaluate her career plans. She said of the ordeal, “I have one piece advice for all the pre-meds out there: your friends and memories will fade. Your grades stay with you forever.”

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…

Stanford Admins Exasperated at Having to Send Yet Another Fucking Email About Current Events