OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Tragedy struck Friday afternoon at approximately 4:36 PM when freshman Stephen Salazar lost his lanyard.
“I was just biking to White Plaza to get my bike registered, and by the time I got there I realized that it had fallen off,” said Salazar through tears, “I was heartbroken.
  I retraced my steps all the way back to Arroyo but to no avail. Now nobody will ever know who I am or what my name is.

Salazar is now an outcast among freshmen, and has been moved from Wilbur into FroSoCo by Stanford Housing.

You May Also Like

Stanford University Secedes From The Union

STANFORD, CA- After meeting with the heads of every academic department, the…

Journalists Respond to New Research on Attention Span

Due to a slew of recent studies demonstrating that the majority of…

Study Finds Research Results Skewed By Students Looking For Beer Money

By Gregory Linsch STANFORD—The Stanford Psychology department just released the results to…