Cedar Rapids, Iowa – Last week, a stalk of genetically engineered corn, designed and distributed by the Monsanto Corporation, held a press conference to dispel rumors that GM produce presents a threat to the health of consumers or the long-term stability of the environment. The stalk of breed XZ-487, a genetic strain that produces extra large ears, told reporters, “Recently, there have been many stories in various news outlets slandering genetically modified produce. Some claim that our altered genetic traits make us unfit for human consumption, or threaten to upset the balance of our ecosystem. Today I’d like to refute these unfair, and frankly hurtful, claims.” The “spokes-stalk” also noted that, in the coming months, they would be devoting significant funds their new “GMO: The Way to Go” advertising campaign. An editor from the Des Moines Register later declared that, although he was skeptical at first, the stalk really won him over with its knowledge and charisma. The lively press conference lasted for approximately 15 minutes, followed by a Q&A session with reporters which was cut short when the irrigation system in the field suddenly turned on.