Cockblocks: Then and Now

May 9, 2011 9:00 am
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Cockblocks: Then and Now

People have been hooking up all through history, and hookups have been going awry for just as long. This handy chart compares for two different time periods the unfortunate cockblock scenarios in which you, a strapping young man, might find yourself.

Modern Day Middle Ages
Midway through undressing, the girl stops to ask for a commitment beyond “friends with benefits.” Midway through removing her glove, the girl stops to ask whether you intend to marry her.
An obnoxious Pandora ad interrupts the perfect hookup playlist. Your violin accompanist stops playing and starts complaining about being a serf.
The girl’s very attractive former hookup texts her “I want you… come over.” The girl’s very attractive former suitor barges in and challenges you to a duel for her love.
You puke and/or fall asleep after drinking too many glasses of wine that night. You puke and/or fall asleep after drinking too many glasses of wine that night.
You hesitate for a second when she asks whether you have any STDs. You hesitate for a second when she asks whether you have bubonic plague.
You can’t find a condom. You’re good; condoms won’t be invented for quite a few centuries.
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