About forty days ago, on Ash Wednesday, sophomore Danny Brentwood made a big decision.
The devout Christian and all-around good guy decided to give up the single thing which brought the most joy to his life: Christianity itself. In the process, he has also given up the strong moral principles which he has followed strictly for his entire life. “I’ve changed a lot of things about my life since then,” he told reporters. “I’ve started binge drinking, smoking pot, and engaging in lots of premarital sex. I’ve ever started using curse words occasionally, although this one has been the most difficult for me.
Also,” he continued in an ashamed near-whisper, “I sometimes don’t pray before I eat anymore.”
Now, with Easter Sunday in just a few days, Brentwood faces the tough decision of whether to re-adopt Christianity. “On the one hand,” he explained, “the forty days are almost up, so I should go back to my old ways. On the other hand, I’m not actually Christian anymore since I gave it up, so why should I honor the promise that I made to go back to it?
” Several of Brentwood’s statements suggested that he is leaning towards sticking with his new godless lifestyle. He said, “It’s pretty easy and actually really awesome to be a douche with no morals and do whatever the fuck I want.
I think I’ll probably just stay like this.”
