Out near the Oval, Stanford’s newest project, a self-launching space station, is nearing completion. With its primary infrastructure in place, administrators expect to be shooting students into geosynchronous orbit by the beginning of 2013.

“Our newest overseas program takes place across the biggest sea of all: space,” said John Wrassler, director of Stanford’s nascent Department of Universal Exploration. “Up there, we expect students to conduct experiments, to experience flightlessness, and to take lots of pictures where the Earth looks really, really tiny.”

Some students have expressed confusion, as rumors have persisted that the Arrillaga Station of Space is nothing but an unfinished concert hall. When asked for comment on the misconception, Wrassler said, “What? No. Why would we even build…? No. No, we’re definitely building a space station.”

Although some students have been disappointed by the news, Randall Stokey (’12, Art Studies) remains cautiously optimistic. “Yeah, now that you mention it, I guess a space station would be way cooler.” He stroked his wispy goatee before continuing. “But even in space, they need art, right? Like, they probably need it more there than anywhere. To remind them of their humanity and stuff.”

Unfortunately for Stokey, so long as Arrilaga’s name is on the station, no art of any substance will be allowed into the vast infinity of space.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…