Yesterday, Obama took the opportunity to say words, a rare event that only occurs several times each day.

Many political pundits have applauded Obama’s recent words, hailing them as a shaping force with the potential to change America–and the world–for the better.

“Obama’s words have opened my eyes and made me into a better person,” said Tyler Whitman, CEO of prominent cleaning supplies manufacturer Detergency. “For a second I thought he was going to say different words, but then he surprised me by saying something else.”

“Wow,” he added. “Wow!”

Others, however, have been less receptive of Obama’s recent words.

“To be honest, Obama’s words were a disappointment,” said John Cartman, owner of nobama.com. “He used too many prepositions, and his arrangement of gerunds was by no means optimal. Even Obama’s rich, seductive, almost musical, baritone voice couldn’t make up for his subpar words.”

“I am also not a very big fan of his limited variation in emphatic hand gestures,” added Cartman.

Several deaf commentators were unable to comment on Obama’s words but have praised his face for its kind yet wise appearance.

Critics have been oddly silent on Obama’s wardrobe and hair style.

You May Also Like

ASSU Counters Claims That They Don’t Do Anything By Releasing Thanksgiving Hand Turkeys

Seeking to fulfill their campaign pledge of “creating tangible results that all…

Clone Army of Undergrad Premed Interns Created Inside SLAC

In a press release yesterday, the dean of the School of Medicine,…

Stanford University Secedes From The Union

STANFORD, CA- After meeting with the heads of every academic department, the…

The Midnight Fryer: The Blowjob Scenario Part VIII

By Yanran Hu After several weeks of writing a column, I have…