Last week, the SHPRC launched a major campaign advocating the use of bike helmets as a new form of birth control following the release of a study from the Stanford School of Medicine.
Concerned mothers have reported on the efficacy of this new form of birth control. “Since he started wearing a helmet two months ago, he hasn’t come even close to getting a girl pregnant,” said Palo Alto resident Lauren Grolam.
Following the release of the study, an abundance of used helmets have been found lying on the floors of dorm rooms around campus. Bike helmet activists caution that users should not be wearing helmets that their friends have worn previously.
However, many fear that the use of helmets will just create new problems. It has been discovered that some users have been wearing two helmets, which undoes the safety effects of the first. Sex researcher Professor Lambart explained, “The second helmet just creates too much friction with the first and renders the helmets ineffective.”
“When the user puts on his helmet,” explained Lambart, “we find that he becomes so awkward that it repels all females in the nearby area. This is the mechanism by which the helmet prevents pregnancies.”
Helmet companies have been experimenting with many new helmet forms, including ribbed helmets, flavored helmets and helmets made for her comfort.