Tony Lucciano, an incoming freshman from New Jersey, came to Stanford hoping to meet some beautiful California gurls. Unfortunately, he was disappointed that they didn’t all wear daisy dukes with bikinis on top. “I thought California Girls all just floated around melting peoples’ popsicles being unforgettable and undeniable. That sounds so awesome, but they’re actually just so regular and smart. I’m so underwhelmed.” Tony said he’d give Stanford another shot, but he was highly considering transferring because of falsely advertising student demographics.

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