Tony Lucciano, an incoming freshman from New Jersey, came to Stanford hoping to meet some beautiful California gurls. Unfortunately, he was disappointed that they didn’t all wear daisy dukes with bikinis on top. “I thought California Girls all just floated around melting peoples’ popsicles being unforgettable and undeniable. That sounds so awesome, but they’re actually just so regular and smart. I’m so underwhelmed.” Tony said he’d give Stanford another shot, but he was highly considering transferring because of falsely advertising student demographics.

You May Also Like

OPINION: Earth Day Perpetuates a Cycle of Planetary Discrimination

Every April 22, thousands come together to “celebrate the beauty of the…

Dear Abby: My polygamous family is falling apart! What should I do??

Oh man, where to even begin. What was once a happy family…

Disappointing: Susie Brubaker-Cole’s Latest Video Got Under 5k Likes so She Put Down her Dog