I’ve seen a lot of breasts in my day, and that set looks nothing like anything I’ve seen before. For starters, they both seem to point the same way. Believe me, the left breast should point left and the right breast should point to the right—that’s how nature intended it. Do I have to remind you of how many breasts I’ve seen?

Plus, when you walk your breasts seem to jiggle about. That’s not what real breasts do. Real breasts stay in place as you move forward, just like bones or rocks. I doubt those could even poke my eye out!

What’s that? You don’t think that I’ve ever even seen a real breast! Well then why don’t you just take a peek into my internet browser history? And if that’s not enough—which believe me it should be—how about you check my latest pay-per-view statement.

Believe me, I’ve seen a lot breasts, and yours don’t look anything like any of the other ones I’ve seen. What was that? Have I ever seen breasts that aren’t represented on some sort of screen? Well, I mean…

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