Student Wins Boothe Prize Three Days Before Paper Due

October 19, 2009 3:47 pm
Student Wins Boothe Prize Three Days Before Paper Due



STANFORD, CA—Taking a cue from the Nobel Prize Committee, the Stanford Writing Center has modified the guidelines used to determine the winners of the Boothe Prize. Last week, the writing center announced both the modified guidelines and the winner of the 2009 Autumn award. “I couldn’t believe it—I hadn’t even […]

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Vandal Comes Back To Apologize

October 12, 2009 12:26 am
Vandal Comes Back To Apologize
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Sex in Steam Tunnels “Too Hot and Steamy”

October 4, 2009 1:07 pm
Sex in Steam Tunnels “Too Hot and Steamy”

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION- Two freshmen were spotted emerging sweaty and red-faced from Stanford’s famed network of steam tunnels late Monday evening after a period of underground sexual debauchery.  They did not exit the steam tunnels with the usual contented swagger of a copulating couple; rather, they seemed highly disturbed and uncomfortable. […]

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Everyone Gets Swine Flu Anyways, Full Moon Back On

September 27, 2009 2:55 pm
Everyone Gets Swine Flu Anyways, Full Moon Back On

Over the past few days, every student on campus has gotten the swine flu. This recent epidemic, which originated from three promiscuous freshmen in Roble, has caused Stanford to reconsider the Full Moon on the Quad event. Students argued that the school wide make-out session is no longer dangerous to […]

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Stanford Project on Hunger (SPOON) Raises Questions About Literacy at Stanford

May 18, 2009 2:31 pm
Stanford Project on Hunger (SPOON) Raises Questions About Literacy at Stanford

It recently came to the attention of university administrators that several groups on campus were having trouble taking the first letter of each word in their name and making an acronym. SPOON, the group that helps feed the homeless could stand for Stanford Puts Onions On Nipples, but there is […]

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Student Pulls All-Dayer

May 11, 2009 10:31 pm
Student Pulls All-Dayer
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Area Asshole Responsible For All of Swine Flu

May 5, 2009 12:52 am
Area Asshole Responsible For All of Swine Flu
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ASSU Senator Pledges To Reduce Sexual Assault on Campus–Will Stop Sexually Assaulting Women

April 20, 2009 11:45 pm
ASSU Senator Pledges To Reduce Sexual Assault on Campus–Will Stop Sexually Assaulting Women

Throughout his campaign, ASSU Senator Greg Bernardi pledged that he would devote his complete efforts towards tackling sexual assault on campus. As a first step towards achieving this goal, Bernardi announced that he will personally stop sexually assaulting women. “Bernardi was responsible for 35% of sexual assault cases on campus,” […]

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Handwashing Directions Clarify Handwashing For Local Employee

March 8, 2009 4:02 pm
Handwashing Directions Clarify Handwashing For Local Employee
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Local Overachiever to Go Work at McKinsie and Co.

March 5, 2009 3:50 pm
Local Overachiever to Go Work at McKinsie and Co.
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