Op-Ed: “It’s Not a Walk of Shame Until You Stroll Down The Row Shouting ‘I Am An Unrepentant Child of Hedonistic Sin'”

October 17, 2016 12:00 pm
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Op-Ed: “It’s Not a Walk of Shame Until You Stroll Down The Row Shouting ‘I Am An Unrepentant Child of Hedonistic Sin'”

Guys, we’ve all been there- sweaty, hung over, walkin’ down the row with that post-coital glow. But let me tell you- it just isn’t a real Walk O’ Shame unless your empowered promenade comes with bloodcurdling screams of “I Am an Unrepentant Child of Hedonistic Sin!”

Y’all know what I mean- heyo! Your hair’s a mess, your phone is dead, and your head is cocked back as you screech, “Satan’s spirit lives within me, and I will pursue pleasure as Lucifer’s will decrees! HA HA HA! Puritanical sheep of the archangel, submit to your carnal intuitions!”

Oh man, college, am I right? That’s just how we do it here in Nerd Nation! Ya hit the books all week, ya turn up on the weekends, and ya walk back exalting the dark realm in all its meek human manifestations. It’s 2016! Don’t you let nobody give you the side-eye as your liberated ass struts down Mayfield proclaiming the glory of Beelzebub’s corporeal ecstasy.

You break out that Vagina Monologues t-shirt and you yell, “O Mighty Lord Satan, by whom all things are set free, I cast myself utterly into thine arms and place myself unreservedly under thy all powerful protection. Comfort me and deliver me from all hindrances, both seen and unseen.” Yas!

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