Post Tagged with: "holidays"

Trump Opts To Pardon Exclusively White And Affluent Turkeys

December 3, 2018 5:00 pmComments Off on Trump Opts To Pardon Exclusively White And Affluent Turkeys
Trump Opts To Pardon Exclusively White And Affluent Turkeys

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. Between the gluttonous binging preceding gut-wrenching regret and the inevitable turkey drops that everyone saw coming, the holiday break brought few shockers outside of typical turkey-centric expectations. In the tradition of ceremonial turkey pardons, President Trump shocked no-one in selecting to pardon two White-Anglo-Saxon-Protestant […]

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Ask a College Freshman Visiting Home for the Holidays

January 6, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Ask a College Freshman Visiting Home for the Holidays
Ask a College Freshman Visiting Home for the Holidays

Dear College Freshman Visiting Home for the Holidays, With the holidays quickly approaching, I’m worried that I won’t be able to get all of my shopping done in time! What do you recommend I do to make sure I’m on top of all my errands during this time of year? […]

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Santa Stops Giving Coal, “Goes Green”

January 20, 2009 11:53 pm0 comments
Santa Stops Giving Coal, “Goes Green”

Naughty children all over the world woke this past Christmas morning only to realize their usual lumps of coal were not under the tree. Instead, they found miniature toy solar panels, compact fluorescent light bulbs, and hybrid remote control cars. Others woke to find their Christmas lights mysteriously unplugged, suspected […]

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In Final Presidential Act, Bush Completes US Christmas List

December 7, 2008 8:05 pm0 comments
In Final Presidential Act, Bush Completes US Christmas List

ASKS SANTA FOR $20 TRILLION, ENERGY SOLUTION, AND THE WII WASHINGTON, D.C–In his last major act as President of the United States, George W. Bush has officially completed and signed into law the United States Christmas List. Since time was running out for the Bush Administration, he decided to act […]

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Congress Expected to Replace the “Privileges and Immunities” Clause with the “Santa” Clause

8:02 pm0 comments
Congress Expected to Replace the “Privileges and Immunities” Clause with the “Santa” Clause

By Stanley Waters This year, the citizens of the United States will receive a special Christmas gift from the government. In light of recent economic difficulties and a general feeling of gloom across the country, Congress is expected to revise the Constitution for the first time in several decades. The […]

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Hanukkah Gelt Gains on Weak Dollar

7:59 pm0 comments
Hanukkah Gelt Gains on Weak Dollar
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If We Had Any Kwanzaa Jokes, We’d Put Them Here

7:57 pm0 comments
If We Had Any Kwanzaa Jokes, We’d Put Them Here
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