Op-Ed: I Time Traveled to the Year 3000 and the Jonas Brothers Were So Wrong About Everything

These goddamn Jonas Brothers. There I was, putting the finishing touches on…

Confession: The Only Thing I’ve Listened to in the Past Ten Years is the Indiana Jones Theme Song on Repeat, and it Changed Me

Hey! You ever listen to a song so much that you know…

My Parents Found Out I Never Lost My Baby Teeth and are Now Revoking My Meal Plan so I Can Go on An All-Jawbreaker Diet to Toughen Up

I’m from DC—a long way from Stanford, I know. But one of…

Bernie Sheds His Exoskeleton Again, Emerging 30 Years Younger and Ready to Rumble

In a video announcing his presidential campaign, Bernie Sanders (D-VT) is seen…