Redwood City, CA– In the latest feel-good news, 33-year-old Colin Martin has finally defeated his decade-long addiction to cigarettes by taking up cocaine.
“I tried so many different approaches to quit smoking,” explained Colin. “Cold turkey, nicotine gum, hypnosis .
. . none of them worked for me. I kept turning to cigarettes to help me relax when times got hard.
” Fortunately, one of Colin’s good friends suggested trying cocaine a few months ago. “At first I was skeptical,” he said, “but then I tried cocaine and I haven’t picked up a single cigarette since!” Colin reports that in addition to helping him quit smoking, his use of cocaine has allowed him to meet many exciting new people and see the world in a different way.
He is planning to begin a speaking tour next month in order to share his inspiring story and recommend cocaine to others suffering from smoking addictions.

You May Also Like

Thousands of Tamagotchis Die In Japanese Tsunami Aftermath

TOKYO–Weeks after the tsunami and incidents at the Fukushima nuclear facilities, Japan…

Students Joining “Fuck Caterpillars” Club Confused If Sexytime Fuck or Derogatory Fuck

STANFORD – As a larger and larger crowd built at Old Union…

U.S. Marines to Use Super Soakers as Main Firearms

Citing a desire to adopt a non-lethal approach to deterring enemies, the…

Cubs Manager Confidently Predicts NLCS Victory While Walking Underneath 15-Foot Ladder

Standing amongst the shards of a shattered mirror in the Cubs locker…